Hazelnut Creme Wafers and a Revised Pitch

Posted on May 14, 2014
Thank you to everyone who critiqued my pitch a few posts ago, both here and on g+. All your comments are immensely appreciated. 

I'm over the sinus infection and my allergies are finally under control. HALLELUJA!! But after finishing off my only bottle of Godiva Chocolate Liquor, I was left with a void of sweet relief. So I went to my local Mom & Pop Italian store to look for chocolate goodies, something made with all natural chocolate and sugar. Nothing with the corn syrup substitute they use in U.S. chocolate products. I like the real stuff.

My New Favorite?  Balocco Wafers, filled with Hazelnut chocolate creme. Just look at the package. If you can't read any of it, you know it's got real chocolate!

On to the revised pitch. To compare to the original, click here.

Comments and critiques are welcome!! 

The Box of Souls
Book One in the Family Relics Trilogy

Even the darkest magic can't break the bonds of family.

Eighteen-year-old Jasmyn McKeery is next in line to inherit Grandma Agatha's magic. Tradition dictates her magic is passed on to the next female kin, but Agatha feels Jasmyn's jealousy and bitterness towards her eight-year-old sister Katarina may be a problem. She struggles with a decision that will affect both their lives and possibly worsen their relationship. Neither Katarina nor Jasmyn knows of their grandmother's gift or of the inheritance. Agatha takes her secret to her grave.

Their grandmother's death reopens old wounds and the rift between Jasmyn and Katarina grows. Through fits of sadness and resentment, spells are accidentally recited and rituals are unintentionally performed. With the powers unbeknownst to them, the sisters release an indestructible nemesis from a supernatural prison and now the world is in danger.

Agatha's secret is soon revealed and Katarina is thought to have been the chosen one. Feeling betrayed by her grandmother and ousted by the rest of her family, Jasmyn flees her home and leaves the world-saving efforts to Katarina and her magic.

But Agatha choice isn't exactly what everyone believes. Somehow, both Katarina and Jasmyn have inherited some of her magic, and now they need to work together to capture the evil they've unleashed. Can the two sister mend their broken relationship in time to defeat these monsters of darkness, or will their sibling rivalry be the death of them?


  1. I'd eat those wafers.
    Like how the two sisters have to work together to make the magic work. Great twist.
    Matthew at the QQQE critiques queries - he'd be more help than I am!

    1. Thanks Alex! What exactly is the QQQE?

    2. Nevermind, after a few searches, I got it. http://theqqqe.blogspot.com/