Losing my brother has greatly affected many aspects of my life, including my writing. The last day I worked on the third book in my Family Relics series was the day before my brother passed away. The last time I pushed promos for the second book that was released two months prior was, also, the day before. The last time I ran a normal 5k, aiming for my 8-minute-mile, was the day before as well.
Everything was normal the day before. Everything was normal that afternoon. That evening, everything changed.
|My brother took this photo while deployed in Kosovo 2001|
In the Family Relics series, the protagonist loses her siblings, it was completely unexpected, the family is broken, and she tries to keep it all together. This is all too real for me now. Each time I attempt to write, I relive it all. Of course, as the months go by, it's less and less, but the too-close-to-home feeling is still there. I never realized how ingrained my brother was in my writing until now. I even mention him in my acknowledgements, and in my bio on my blog.
So working on the third book this past year has been nearly impossible, and my one-book-per-year release schedule has practically disintegrated. I've written tons of poetry pieces in my PetalsOnTheWind blog, which I created just to relieve some of these roller-coaster emotions whirling inside of me. It's become part of my healing process - it's helped me cope. Also, not to sound all cliché but, pain and agony produces some crazy poetry.
Now that the anniversary of his passing has come and gone, I feel like I've reached an emotional summit. I've made a promise to my brother (an avid fantasy/sci-fi nut who loved the series) that I would finish the book soon. He won't be able to critique it as he had done before, and love/hate me for what I do to his favorite characters, but I have to keep my promise. He would have wanted me to finish it. He would have wanted to know how the story ends.
And so, I must continue to write. I have to finish the third book for him. And, for myself.
It's all a part of my healing process.
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|This post is part of Insecure Writer's Support Group blog hop.|