My favorite entries are those when I was pregnant with my first child. I normally have vivid dreams, but during this time my dreams were crazy. Apparently, dreaming wildly when pregnant isn't unusual, according to this post on webmd. I'm not alone in this, I'm sure.
So, the story I will share with you is from a journal entry titled The German Military School Dream, dated October 2001. It is unedited, except for the names I've replaced so save identity.
Warning: The story makes absolutely no sense. It's just a dream. Some content may be considered explicit, but it isn't really.
The German Military School Dream
Ivette, Jenny and I are enrolled in a
military school somewhere in the middle of Germany. It’s an
all-girl military school and it is the day before school starts:
orientation day. The three of us are sitting in a large, dimly lit
auditorium with hundreds of other girls dressed in uniform. The
outfit is a cross between military attire and catholic school
uniform. We are all listening to the head mistress as she gives her
orientation speech.
The head mistress is a stocky German
woman hovering around 50 and had the body of a New York Jets
linesman. She huffed when she spoke and walked back and forth across
the stage snapping her whip wearing old Nazi-Germany style clothing.
Even though we were in Germany, the head mistress gave her speech in
English and spoke with the stereotypical German accent.
There are three older German girls
sitting across the isle from us. They are in love with the three of
us in a sort of a group kind of love. It was more of a lusty kind of
infatuation where they wanted the three of us to be in a sex act with
the three of them. Ivette, Jenny and I were completely disgusted and
tried to ignore them. But they were like five-year-old boys who
would punch girls if they liked them; except instead of punches we
were receiving embarrassing sexual suggestions. They were serious
and they had no shame. They whispered loud enough so the girls
sitting around us could hear and laugh. They made comments like “I
want to lick and suck you” and made munching and lip-smacking
noise. We were mortified.
We were 19 years old and the 3 women
were in their late twenties. It was probably a control-high for them
since they new we were young and shy. But they didn’t know Jenny,
who was ready to jump at their manly German bodies and fight to the
death to defend our honor – or to just shut them up. Ivette and I
had to convince her to calm down by rolling up a joint and telling
her that if she’d stay put and ignore those women we would just
smoke up and forget about it later. (In real life, this would never
have happened.) So Jenny agreed to ignore the remarks even though
they became louder and more frequent. We all tried to focus on the
joint we’d smoke later.
Half way through the orientation
speech, the man-lady head mistress started asking questions and
noticed that there was something going on in our section of the
auditorium. By then, Ivette and I grew so frustrated with these
women we started replying with anti-German remarks. This was not so
smart since we were the only 3 non-Germans in the auditorium, but we
really didn’t care. Jenny kept still, thinking about the blunt.
The head mistress started walking up
the isle towards our row and flashed a spot light right at me as I
was saying something anti-German. The entire auditorium fell silent.
The she-man spoke in a sharp no-nonsense tone, “Stand up! Do you
have an answer?” I stood up. My blood pressure dropped as I stood
still at attention. She repeated the question, “Have you ever
forgotten to eat the second half of a grapefruit after eating the
first half?” I gave her a perplexed look and said, “Yeah, sure,
sometimes…well, I would say at least once…well, now that I think
about it, maybe never.”
Then I woke up.
That was a riot! Yes, I've heard it's common for pregnant women to have bizarre dreams and this one sure counts as one. I can just picture scary German lady in her Nazi uniform with her whip. Haha! At least it gave you a good laugh now. Have a great weekend. :)
ReplyDeleteYou know Lexa, you can't be the leader of a Nazi-like military school in Germany without that whip... :-)
DeleteWhat a story. I'll never be able to eat a grapefruit without thinking, “Have you ever forgotten to eat the second half of a grapefruit after eating the first half?”
ReplyDeleteToo funny. I'm glad you're really okay (smile).
That part still makes me smile. Like, what the hell? A grapefruit?!?!?!
DeleteThat is a pretty freaking wild dream my friend :)
ReplyDeletePregnancy dreams are the worse. They really are. They're just vivid and weird and insane, and some of the strangest I've ever had. They are crazy.
Crazy, but worth taking note. You'll get a good laugh when looking back after a few years. This was just one. I have several that are just, like, whaaaat?
Delete